We awoke in a cold sweat, nauseous and trembling after a restless night’s sleep. The previous night we had deprived our body of the magical sleeping potion called alcohol. We will be smart enough not to do this again.
The day started as usual; late, without breakfast and to a symphony of Jez’s bowel movements. We headed straight to the beach keen to work on the speedo tan. After a quick dip we were on the road. What happened next will remain in road tip folklore for ever.
Carl had a few days previously announced that it would be a smart idea to invent McDonalds day but we had decided to hold off ‘til Monteath joined us. The day would involve driving from point a to point b, stopping at every McDonalds we saw or saw advertised which turned out to be 10. Once at McDonalds everyone had to order one different item. In addition to this all of the rubbish and packaging from the McDonalds had to remain in the car. Rubbish was allowed to be thrown, but only once after which it had to remain where it fell. It is important that the readers of this blog know that the author was against the idea thinking it was a waste of time, money and life expectancy.
The following items where consumed over the next 9 hours
3 White coffees, 3 double stacker cheese burgers, 2 chicken wrap snackers, 4 side salads, 3 small cokes, small chips, 3 country McChickens, 4bottled water, 3 apple juice, 3 Med fries, big mac, quarter pounder, cheese burger, 16 chicken nuggets, 9 chicken strips, 100mls Paul Newmans ranch dressing, med coke, 3 apple pies, chocolate sundae, fruit box, Oreo macflurry, chocolate milk, 5 McRibs.
Needless to say after 10 hours on the road the car floor closely resembled the way our bodies felt. We estimated that each of us consumed close to 6000 calories, or three days worth of food. There are a number of events from the day that deserve further mention. At Mcdonalds number 5 I went to the bathroom and asked carl to order me a side salad with no dressing. Needless to say the salad came with 100mls of paul newmans ranch dressing (still in the packet) that I was required to drink having already eaten my salad. It was decided that I would be allowed to order for Carl next. I ordered him a Crispy Chicken strip floating in 300mls of Mcdonalds BBQ sauce.
The other event was the final Mcdonalds stop of the day where we each had a Mcdonalds Mcrib. The Mcrib is processed ground pork set into the shape of four ribs including the bones, which is then drowned in BBQ sauce. Monty got down two bites and asked us to pull over, he fell out of the car followed by waist deep mcdonalds wrappers. Monty scrambled to his knees before throwing up $40 (US) of Mcdonalds. Upon seeing this Cleland and Carl jumped from the car and lost their lunches’.
Once back in the car Mcdonalds day was called off and we continued to make our way to Tampa. We checked into Motel 6 and after chilling out for a while we made our way into Tampa downtown. There we went to a number of bars and listened to some live music. When 11pm came around we were informed that happy hour was starting and the beers were the princely sum of $1. Things escaladed quickly. Before long we had gained the attention of a group of born again Christians. Attracted to us by our accents and the thick smell of sin they were keen to show us the path. Cleland had other ideas. By the end of the night, we could all be found in coyote ugly dancing on the bar and doing body shots. Another victory for roadtrip USA and another great random night.
Nick
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